I met a pregnant woman in line waiting for me to sign my book. She lifted up her blouse and asked me to sign her belly… I said no. Then she asked me if I would sign a few diapers. …I don’t sign diapers. I don’t want my signature around poop.
An older man was waiting in line. He was walking with a cane. He told me he had a hip replacement. He showed me his scar. I didn’t want to see his scar but I did. I told him hip hip hooray. He asked me to sign his cane and I did. On top of his cane there was a parrot like Mary Poppins. He also showed me his dentures. He started taking his uppers out. I said no don’t do that…please.
Another lady wanted to show me a tattoo. There I was …a tattoo on her leg. It looked just like me and I did sign her leg and she told me she was going to have a tattoo artist tattoo my name near my face. On the other leg she had a tattoo… it was Dolly Parton. She asked me if I thought Dolly would sign her leg and I said absolutely not.
I have signed lots of baseball caps. They asked me to sign the brim of their hat. Some of the hats I signed were sweaty. But I signed them anyway. I have signed thousands and thousands of covers of my videos. They were so shiny I had to be careful when signing my name. Left handed people smear a lot.
And this next story may freak you out a little bit as it did me. There was a lady holding a bag, first she put the bag on her left arm.. Then when it got heavy she moved it to the right arm. First I thought it was a pet… but didn’t see any head popping out. When she came up to me she was smiling. She told me her mother worked out with me all the time. She told me her mother considered me one of her children. I thought that was so nice. Then…she took out… a silver urn. Looked at this urn and I was a little taken a back . “My mother’s ashes are in this urn,“ she handed me the urn and asked me to sign it. She began to cry. And I cried with her.
I told her I just couldn’t sign it. And I told her she should not be carrying this urn in a mall. What if she dropped it. Her mother would be all over the floor next to Sees candy. But I did sign her bag.
A young teenage girl asked me if I would give her my tank top.I asked her what am I supposed to wear during my signing. She said she would buy me a tshirt.
Another woman took out a ….well let’s just say you had to put batteries in it. She said this is her best friend. I said to myself this woman is carrying this in her bag…what the heck….
I have signed people’s aerobic shoes. They said they would be inspired when they put on their shoes. I have signed workout shorts.
Once I wrote the company who makes the Sharpie marker and you know what? They sent me a case of them. I wonder what would you like me to sign?
